


Love and Hate

by StormyBear30



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-15
Updated: 2011-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-20 10:31:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30





	Love and Hate

Everyone thinks that I hate him, but I don’t. Everything thinks that the reason that he’s not officially part of the band yet is because of me, but not a word of it is true. The plain and not so simple truth is that I love him and have been in love with him for some time now. I hate keeping my love for him to myself, but for my sanity and maybe even Tim’s protection and security of this band, I keep it locked away from the world to see. I hate my life and love my life all at the same time and I wish that I could find some equal balance, but until I can come clean about my harboring love, I will continue to live with a almost leveling swell of emotions that make me happier then I have ever been in my lifetime and sometimes just as low.

“You’re quit tonight” I hear someone speak behind me, a tender kiss placed on my naked shoulder as we lie in bed after a marathon of love making off and on all day.

“Just thinking” I reply half truthfully, lying on my back as he slides on top of my body, staring down at me with such loving and patient eyes.

“About him?” He asks, his beautiful eyes stormy and somewhat troubled as he continues to look down at me.

“When am I not thinking about him” I counter, hating the fact that I am hurting the man above me once again.

“You know that you can’t tell him what’s going on Shannon” He says and I can once again see the hurt in his eyes because I know how badly he wants me to tell him, but that the consequences are just far too great to take that risk.

“Why not?” I ask, already knowing the answer as I avoid his eyes and find fascination with the wall on the other side of the room. “Maybe it’s time to just tell him the truth and deal with the circumstances”

“You already know what those circumstances will be” He lays his hand upon my cheek and gently turns my face until I am looking into his beautiful eyes once again. “I’ll never become official and you and I won’t be able to see each other any longer because you’ll still be touring with them and I’ll have to find a new band and tour with them. I don’t even want to think about any time apart from you Shannon”

“We spend more time apart then we do together” I remind him, but there’s no anger behind them because I know that he’s telling the truth as much as I hate to admit it.

“You know what I mean Shan”

“I know…” I finally admit out loud.

“Still sucks though because it totally fucks up the life course I had planned for us” He pouts, falling off of me as he lays on his side.

“You had a life plan set up for us?” I ask, astonished.

He gets a dreamy look upon his face before speaking. “Yeah…” He smiles. “I figured we would date for a year or so before moving in together. Then we would live together for another year or so before we started looking for a house; maybe even think about getting married since it’s now legal. Two or three years after that, we’d start thinking about children because I was hopeful that by then gay couples could legally adopt children. We’d raise them and grow old together as one by one they started their own family”

“You’ve really thought about this huh?” I ask, still shocked that he had put that much thought into our relationship, when I couldn’t get past the very idea that I was even in a relationship.

“Yeah…haven’t you?” He asks, his blue eyes boring into my own as he waits for my answer.

“Honestly Tim…I never expected to fall in love…much less think about a future with that person” I give him an honest answer and again I see that I’ve hurt him with my words. “But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have started to think about it eventually” I cup the side of his cheek, kissing him softly. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life and honestly the idea of spending my life with you sounds amazing. I love you and it makes me so happy to know that you are willing to stick by me and put your whole effort into this relationship”

“I’d do anything for you and this relationship” He whispers, tears glistening within his eyes despite the fact that he’s trying to hide them. “Even if it means that we have to pretend to hate each other when your asshole brother is around”

We both fall silent, each of us laying on our backs, eyes focused on the ceiling, minds wandering until I break the silence. “How many kids do you think we’d have?” I ask, a small smile breaking across my face at the idea of Tim and I raising children.

“I’ve always pictured us with three” He leans into me and I can feel his smile against my shoulder as I close my eyes and listen to him continue. “I’d like two boys and a girl”

“Why two boys and a girl” I question.

“Because it would be amazing to raise a cute little girl that we can spoil rotten…and the two boys would be there to protect her when her daddies couldn’t” We both laugh at this as I turn onto my side and look at him.

“It sounds amazing baby” I speak truthfully, because the very idea of spending my life with Tim lights me from within. Of course the light doesn’t last long as the image of my brother invades my mind and I get angry all over again. “Fucking Jared…” I blurt out, knowing that I have ruined the moment at the look of upset on Tim’s face. “I’m sorry” I whisper, not getting an answer as Tim rolls me onto my back and snuggles into my chest. “I love you Tim”

“I love you too Shannon” He responds, the room falling silent until he softly begins to snore, leaving me fully alone with my anger and my thoughts.

The End…


End file.
